I drove on the Nairobi-Nakuru highway the other day, going from hither and thither to yon and back. In a normal country with normal roads and normal drivers at the helm of normal vehicles, this would be a normal, even enjoyable, drive. There are (normal) countries in which a 200 kilometre drive is the daily commute. But we are not a normal country. Our drivers are not normal, and they do not drive normal vehicles in a normal way. So in an attempt to keep you normal (and alive) this holiday season, here are a few notes. Please pay attention to them, even if you are a regular driver. Please note that these are for drivers only. The passenger ones will come later.
1. You are not driving in town
It may seem obvious to say this, but urban driving and driving long distance on the highway are two entirely different exercises, demanding different skill sets, different attitude and a different level of concentration. For one, speeds are much higher - where you may almost never go beyond 60kph in the city, you will be likely be driving at a higher speed, for a longer time and distance - on the highway. A little fender-bender on Kenyatta Avenue is a fatal accident on the highway. A motorcycle cutting you off near a roundabout is a dead motorcyclist (and possibly a severely injured driver) on the highway. Stopping distances at speed are much longer, and a badly maintained car will behave unexpectedly at speed, and on braking, when the speeds are higher. You can get away with not wearing your seatbelt (although it is illegal) in town, but you’re courting death on the highway.
2. Always enhance visibility
My standard rule is that when I get on the highway, I will switch on my main headlights and keep them on (but obviously not on full beam) regardless of the climatic conditions. It makes it easier for my vehicle to be seen at a distance. You are obviously not me (there is only one Wallace Kantai as far as I know) and maybe I do have an overabundance of caution. But when visibility is impaired - at dusk or dawn, in the rain, in the fog, when driving through dust - SWITCH ON YOUR LIGHTS. And not the puny, ineffective little parking lights (they are called parking lights for a reason - they are for use when your vehicle is parked). During my drive, part of which was at dusk, it was surprising and shocking how many vehicles (including some scarily large lorries) kept their lights off, and I would be startled by some vehicle looming up in the darkness ahead of or behind me. Actually, if you can, avoid driving at dawn and dusk. There are far too many pedestrians, cyclists, motorcyclists and drivers who assume that, because they can see you, you can see them. They WILL behave stupidly, and you will almost always be blamed for the accident, or be too injured or dead for it to matter.
4. You are the captain of your vehicle
In many vessels, particularly ships and aircraft, the captain has full power and authority over their vehicle, and has the right to make any and all decisions with regard to the journey. You are the same. You, and only you, can decide how many people should be passengers in the vehicle, and how much cargo you can carry. Do not be forced to carry more people or cargo than you are comfortable with. Only you should determine your speed, not someone who pesters or cajoles or nags you to drive faster. Only you should determine when to overtake, and not someone else who compels you to do it, only for you to realise that you cannot do it safely.
5. For Heaven’s sake, children in the back seat, strapped in
It is unbelievable how little people care for their children. You will see a vehicle, driven at high speed and overtaking stupidly, with an adult in the front seat, holding a child in their lap. Even if you’re driving below the speed limit, having a child in your lap is the most supremely stupid thing you can possibly do, save for strapping that child on the carrier. A child in the lap becomes a missile (even in a low-speed accident at 50kph). They will fly out through the windscreen into the road for you to run over them. If it is a rollover accident, they will be thrown out of the car to get smashed on rocks, with the car landing on them as a coup de grace. Watch online videos if you want to see how a child’s body behaves in an accident. Try not to retch. If you cannot afford to buy and install car seats, at least strap them in (lap belt only - watanyongwa na the shoulder belt), and then for pete’s sake drive more carefully than you would if you were transporting eggs. Eggs strapped to a bottle of TNT. Eggs strapped to a bottle of TNT and attached to a vibrating platform.
6. You have nothing to prove
Far too often, the highway is where we want to measure the size of our family heirlooms. Fill in the blank. You may drive the latest, snazziest German saloon, boasting eight cylinders, four turbochargers and an exhaust the size of an SGR tunnel. If you are overtaken by a thirty year old Toyota Corolla 90, let it go. This is not the time to get offended, speed up and cause the poor Toyota to end up under the wheels of a Mercedes Actros. By the same token, if you are a faithful taxpayer who sings in the church choir and drives a little Belta, and happen to encounter some self-important bigshot in a Land Cruiser, the highway is not the place to block them and endanger yourself and your entire family. There is a time and place for irritation and road rage. A Kenyan highway is not one of them.
7. Lorries behave strangely
A truck, by nature of its weight, shape and other characteristics, does not behave the way your and my car behaves. For one, it requires a lot more distance to stop. So don’t - DON’T - cut in front of a truck. It will pass with you, yaani itapita na wewe. Do not rush into a space when a lorry (especially an articulated lorry) is making a turn. You will end up a sandwich on the highway. An articulated lorry applying emergency brakes will likely jackknife, and you do not want to be anywhere in the vicinity when it does so. If a truck is flashing its lights at you frantically (whether from in front of or behind you) try and get out of the way; it may have lost control and the driver is trying to save your life. Of course it may just be a careless driver trying to get away with driving carelessly, but it’s OK to lose that argument. Kenyan lorries are infamous for trying to overtake each other up a hill, with neither of them making much progress. They look nothing as much as two tortoises trying to procreate. It is irritating. It is illegal. But do not try and stand your ground in your small car. You will not win.
8. Pee breaks are important
Plan to stop every two hours, whether you are driving yourself or a car full of people. Resting and stretching are invaluable to countering physical and mental exhaustion. It is of benefit to you and your passengers. Let them out (in the right place) to take potty breaks. Do not drive from Nairobi, barrel through Emali and Mtito Andei, past Voi and Mariakani, in a mad dash to meet some imaginary deadline in Mombasa. Do not pass Naivasha and Nakuru, past Kericho and Kisumu, because you must be in Yimbo by some imaginary time. Give yourself enough time to rest and recover.
9. Road works can kill you
There are a lot of highways under construction this time around. They are terribly signposted (if that) and they have a whole load of unexpected perils. From sheer cliffs off the side of the road which you can drive off into oblivion, to soft shoulders that will collapse in the rain, to traffic moving in unexpected directions, to snarl-ups. Road works are an annoying, if inevitable, feature of Kenyan highway driving. When you encounter them, please drive slowly and carefully. Obey all official directions. Be aware that a pile of rocks that wasn’t there in the morning is lying in wait for you in the evening. Be aware that you may be forced to drive via Namanga to get to Limuru, from Naivasha. Be patient. Be hypervigilant.
10. Do not drive under the influence. Of anything
I don’t know why I need to say this, but do NOT drink if you’re going to drive at all. But even more, don’t do it when you are planning to drive long distance. Not even a drop. Do not drive under the influence of sleep. Pull over, take a nap if necessary, and then carry on. Do not use your phone when driving. Put on a playlist and then put the device away. If you need to make a call or send a text, or consult Google maps, pull over, finish and then drive on. Your WhatsApp messages are not going anywhere. If you get distracted by lasses in short skirts, or guys with nice beards, tell them to sit at the back. If your children are being a nuisance at the back (where they should be, remember?), pull over, warn them severely or smack them, and then drive on.
11. Observe, overtake, get back in lane
I don’t know how many times I see drivers pulling out in a convoy to overtake, only for those in the back of the convoy ending up in a panic when they are on the wrong side of the road, a truck is barrelling down on them, and there is no space to get back into their lane. Only overtake when there is enough space to complete the maneouvre quickly and effectively. Never overtake with the expectation that another driver will change trajectory (that they will slow down or speed up for you, that they will give you space to get back into lane, or that they will get off the road for you). Never overtake in convoy. Always make sure your vehicle has enough power to complete the maneouvre quickly. If the driver you are overtaking decides to be stupid and speeds up as you are overtaking them, let them go. Do not overtake up a hill or around a corner. Chunga maisha.
12. Prepare and stock up adequately
Carry the following: a tow rope; jumper cables; drinking water; snacks; a blanket or two; money, in cash; painkillers; a phone charger; enough credit on your phone. In this day and age, on Kenyan roads as abnormal as these ones, you never know when these will come in handy.
There is a lot that is not here, such as how to deal with cops; that you need to service your car before long journeys; making sure you fuel up adequately, ensuring that your spare tyre is intact and inflated, and that you have a working jack and wheel spanner; what to do in the event of a tyreburst at speed; not to eat at every kibanda you see; only stopping where it is safe to do so; what to do in case of an accident; and much more. But if you want those tips, ask for them and I will write them down.
Good piece
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